Wow. Payday and I have already spent close to $100. I needed new moisturizer, completely ran out today, so I ordered a replacement. Bonus, it was on sale, so there’s that. Also, I needed some heavy-duty bug spray. Bed bugs are no joke and I’m tired of playing. If this stuff I ordered doesn’t help, I may have to burn the house down.
Joke.
Maybe.
I already feel like I’m failing at this. I can think of at least a dozen things to go out and blow what’s left of my paycheck on. None of it is necessary and will ultimately only take up precious space in my tiny room that I can ill afford to lose.On the flip-side of that coin, though, is this urge to completely purge my space of all my possessions and just start over. Not that I could ever find the energy or drive to actually do that. I stare at my bookshelves and immediately tell myself, “That’s a big fat nope!” Eventually, it’s gotta happen. I hate the clutter. I hate the feeling of drowning in material possessions. I hate the feeling that I have so must -stuff- but nothing that really makes my head turn. I have my books, and with the rare exception of about a handful of books I’d be willing to give away, that I could never part with. I have all this makeup that I… actually get the warm tinglies when I think about (sad, I know). My clothes are just clothes. Everything else, all my The Walking Dead Collectibles and other odds-and-ends, is just… there, taking up that space I mentioned earlier.
It’s raining outside right now. Maybe it’s the weather speaking, but I just feel… lost right now. With this, with everything, hence the “failing.”
I need to keep on this. And those precious few of you who have read even one of these posts so far, you make my day and keep me inspired to keep sharing.
Feedback is welcome.
Caryn’s Chaos 